• Shaquille O'Neal: Vladamire Mandingo
• Tracy McGrady: T. Pistols
• Bimbo Coles: Donald Duck
• Tyrone Hill: Greg Norman
• Ricky Davis: Dicky Ravis

Those are all pretty funny, but nothing can possibly compare with "Dicky Ravis." Is he serious? Yeah, no one's gonna crack that code. This barely beat out his other alias, "Icky-ray Avis-day."

At this point, your humble editors Lill Weitch and Chick Randler would like you to respect their privacy and don't bother them in their respective hotels this holiday season.

By Any Other Name [Cleveland.com]

In the wake of the Stro’/Rafer acquisitions and the Suns’ demise, the Rockets were the only team that appeared capable of threatening the Spurs. But the truth is that my hope for the Rockets had more to do with their city than their actual talent. Houston was having a breakthrough year, and it only seemed natural that the Rockets would participate. The city’s long-simmering rap scene finally exploded beyond the Texas and Louisiana borders, the Astros made their first World Series, and even Hurricane Rita knew enough not to fuck with Clutch City. Surely, this would be the year that T-Mac and Yao put it all together.

It has been said that the law is in the region and the region is in the law, but I like it best when this principle applies to sports. To some degree we all identify teams with the cities they represent, and it’s always more interesting when the makeup of a team says something about the city. Whether it’s the blue-collar play of the team from the Motor City, the glamour of the Hollywood Lakers, or the way the state of Utah seems to insist on the Jazz roster matching the complexion of the Alta snow. Houston 2005 offered such a tidy package of regionalism that it was impossible not to ponder things like, “What came first, the slow humid culture or the drank?” Or, “Is the success of TV Jewelry somehow related to a skyline of mirrored buildings?” I’m not sure about these questions, but I do know that Mike Jones is the rap equivalent of Enron, relentlessly hawking a product that never really existed in the first place. The Houston Hustle. An H-Town thang.

In this day and age the NBA and hip-hop are inextricably intertwined, so hopefully you’ll forgive me for heavy-handedly lumping together the city’s roundball team and rap scene. In all likelihood the city’s music and economics bear no real resemblance to the style of the Rockets (although Van Gundy slows more shit down than Michael Watts, and if Rafer, Stro, and T-Mac ain’t a screwed-up click I don’t know what is), but what’s important here is that the city has a strong identity. People at least have something they can attach to the Rockets. The same cannot be said for Houston’s I-10 rival, the San Antonio Spurs, and I’d like to submit that San Antonio’s lack of civic identity contributes at least as much to the Spurs=Boring perception as Tim Duncan’s game. What you know about the Alamo? What you know about the Riverwalk?

All of this leads me to a confession: even I’m bored with the Spurs. Sure, I still watch most of their games, but at this point it has more to do with duty and a desire to watch basketball than unbridled enthusiasm. Oberto is a bust and Finley can only contribute if he’s given 30 minutes a night. Ginobili has yet to get going, and it’s beginning to appear that his style is too reckless to ever keep him off the IR for long periods of time. What’s worse, they’ve become everything I said they weren’t when Shoals brought up the notion of “inevitability.” They open up 11 point leads only to squander them and hang on for the most uninspiring of wins. Sure, they’re 19-5, but if you’re going to be an elite team at least have the decency to dominate. They are now the oldest team in the league, and are capable of losing to anyone on the second game of a back-to-back, as evidenced by losses to the Hawks and Hornets. And while I’ll never be able to root against them, I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me hoping for something new.

I wanted so badly for the Rockets to play that role. After watching them score consecutive road wins against the Warriors and Sonics I was even prepared to herald their resurgence in this post. But now Yao is out for the foreseeable future, joining Rafer, Bob Sura, Derrick Anderson, Jon Barry and everyone else on the Rockets’ injured list, leaving T-Mac and his bad back to keep the team afloat. Oh, well, I guess the West is going to suck this year. There is an upside to this, however. Doesn’t an awful West set the stage for a certain someone to rise from the microfracture ashes?

Dallas is likely the 3rd best team in the NBA, albeit a tier below San Antonio and Detroit (who pummeled the Bulls on Saturday). One of their better players in Josh Howard is out, and Jerry Stackhouse is dealing with his annual leg ailment. This has Dallas pretty thin on the wings, so thin that former Bull Adrian Griffin may start and get major minutes for the Mavs.

The Bulls proved that they can play superior teams well, with 2 strong showings (and one win) against San Antonio. They still have nobody who can guard Dirk Nowitzki, although I'd like to see if Luol Deng can get an extended trial to do so, as I feel he'd have at least a better chance than Nocioni would. Skiles may be forced to given how everyone has been picking up early fouls lately.

Blogging with the Enemy: Rebel Ballin'

I'll be in attendance tonight trying to extend my own streak, of both Bulls wins and hot dogs eaten.

And by the way, it's Hardwood Classics night, with the Bulls sporting the '46-47 road unis of the Chicago Stags. The Bulls have barely changed their uniforms in their own 40 year existence, so a reach like this is acceptable, I guess.

UPDATE: Well, it was all about Dirk. Tyson Chandler, Andres Nocioni and Darius Songaila alternated unsuccessful attempts at guarding Nowitzki, who finished with 35 points despite shooting poorly in the first half. I still think Luol Deng should have gotten more of a shot to guard him. If you remember seeing Tracy McGrady in the playoffs, Nowitzki seems to have more trouble with lengthy players who can stay in front of him.

Dallas had 15 offensive rebounds which perhaps seemed to hurt more watching it in person but still had an effect. Also, I highlighted in the preview the fact that the Mavs were weak at the wing positions, and starting Adrian Griffin was a sign of that weakness. Ole' man Griff showed up his former team with 14 points and 12 rebounds.

Tough to fault the effort, although a lot of loose balls and possible defensive boards went to the Mavs. They are simply a hard team for the Bulls to match up with. Kirk Hinrich left very early in the game with a concussion, which made things even worse with Chris Duhon also seeming to have trouble with his ankles during the game. So, for the first time all season, Ben Gordon had to spend extended minutes as the primary ballhandler. He made up for it with his hot first-half shooting (I believe he had 18 in the first half), but overall the offense seemed to stagnate without Kirk or Duhon out there. In the frontcourt, Mike Sweetney played only 22 minutes as the taller Mavericks like Dirk, Eric Dampier, and Keith Van Horn really made it hard for Skiles to find a place for him.

Luol Deng had another strong game, shooting 12-15 for 25 points. Maybe it is time to get him in the starting lineup. I still would have liked to see him have the chance on defense to guard the big German though...

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